o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
