can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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