Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
