I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
