i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My feet surprised me
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