That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
