maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
