yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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