i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
