I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
