I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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