Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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