you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
