JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
