I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
