You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
