He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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