you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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