put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
