I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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