She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Please don't give away my fajitas
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
