I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
