Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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