wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
