What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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