i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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