Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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