They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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