im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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