rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
