like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found puke in my bra..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
