Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
