New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
