Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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