I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
