Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
