He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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