and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
