I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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