you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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