just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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