after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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