Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
