i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
