i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
