And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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