Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
