so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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