Screwed.edu
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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