Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This is the prime rib incident all over again
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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