I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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