Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
