Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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