you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
