dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
