Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
