So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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