This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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