a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
