Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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