hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
