is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
