Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
